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Monday, Monday

12 Sep

I had this grand idea to get organized.  The pool season has ended and so it’s time to stop neglecting the house/kids/myself.  As I do with most of my grand ideas, I looked to Pinterest (aka “Carol’s brain” because how did I ever do anything or have an idea on my own without Pinterest).  And with any great idea that can only be completed with the help of Pinterest, I had to spend hours searching and pinning and then clicking on pins and filtering through pins.  I finally decided to do this…

listingmaincollagethemomplannerbycleanlifeandhome

Yep, 147 pages!  Not to be confused with 148 pages which would totally be overboard.

…and then there were all of these checklists that had to be printed out and organized.  (because you have to organize your organization binder to help you organize)

thinking-face

…and then I had to fill in checklists, make menus and plan a whole week of cleaning.

The more lists I completed the more overwhelmed I felt.  *This is already backfiring.  Why do I feel less organized.  What’s that?  What’s happening?  What’s going on?

So I worked and typed and penciled-in this and that in my binder all weekend.  And finally, at 3 AM this morning, I had the week ready to go.  I looked over my Monday morning checklist and thought to myself “Ok, it seems like a lot.  I’m overwhelmed, but wait… some of this I can really knock out in the hour that I have in between dropping Phoebe off at her bus stop and dropping Leila off at her bus stop.  Tess will be asleep.  This may work!  I’ve got this!”

…But then Tess woke up at 4 AM crying and I couldn’t get her back to sleep until after 5 AM and feeling exhausted I started reasoning with reality.  “I have to get up at 6:30 AM to get Jax off to school.  Let’s be real.  I’ll be too tired and want to take a nap after all of the kids are gone.  I’m going to have to add “nap” to my to-do list.  Is that contradictory?  Can you add “nap” to a to-do list that is supposed to keep you organized and timely?  Screw it!  Adding “nap” to my to-do list will be the first thing I “to-do”.”  Zzzzzz…

As predicted, I was exhausted to the point of delirium, but I got Jax up and ready, then I got Phoebe up and ready, and then I opened my binder and set to cross things off quickly, so I could get to “nap”.  I did a load of laundry, took care of the dog, woke Leila up and got her in the shower, realized that most of the things I actually do weren’t even on my to-do list, but thought things were going well… until Leila walked up to me in the hallway mid-“laundry” check-off.  Soaking wet with tears in her eyes she stammered, “Mom, I just remembered, I was supposed to do a project this weekend.”  

“A project?!  Not a worksheet or a chapter to read, but a whole PROJECT?!”

“Yes!  I need to make a poster about something for health class.”  Still dripping under her towel, she shuffled through her binder and handed me a sheet with her project requirements. 7 research bulletin points, to be exact.

“Crap!  Ok, get dressed.  Seriously, Leila?!  You have to be at the bus stop in 20 minutes.  It’ll be fine.  Dry your eyes.  Mommy to the rescue!  Let me see what I can knock out.”  I quickly turned to the computer and tapped away at the keyboard, scrambled for a gnarly piece of leftover posterboard, a glue stick and my paper cutter.  Frantically, I searched, copy and pasted, printed, cut and glued and all the while it was killing me that I couldn’t rephrase most of it and that it wasn’t pretty.  It dawned on me that most people with OCD are probably unorganized because if it’s not perfect then it’s not good enough, so why even try?  I had completed 5 bulletin points before she had to leave for the bus stop.  She walked out of the door without a project and both of us were deflated, but I trudged on and when it was completed I jumped in the van with what is quite possibly the worst looking poster on “Stuttering” the teacher will ever be handed.  I zipped to the bus stop just as the bus was coming down the street to pick her up.  *Yay!  I got to be her hero!  She gave me a giant hug, as I told her to study the poster on the bus and really learn her topic.

I left the bus stop smiling, but even more exhausted.  I came home to stare blankly at the mess the haphazard project had left behind in its wake and then look over even more blankly at my “to-do list” with its one… lone… check.  Nope, “do Leila’s weekend project for her” wasn’t on there.  Just then… *crunch* *crunch* “Shit!  What’s the dog into?”  Fabulous, “cleaning up shards of gnawed on colored pencils” isn’t on my to-do list either.  F U, Monday!

mondaymonday

Gone are the days…

6 May

…of the funny stay-at-home-mom posts.  Posts about fighting with random people in parking lots, or toddlers locking themselves in the bathroom, or general moanings and groanings that an ‘ordinary’ mom might utter… have been forgotten and replaced with a couple of posts about my health.  I miss those random days.  I feel that they will come back.  Diagnosis or not, feeling good or not, clean house or not… I need to come back.

Last Monday I had an axiallary lymph node, closest to my breast, surgically removed at Hopkins.  It measured 3 cm, which I’m told is really big for a “reactive” node.  In other words, it’s probably not cancer, but you’re pretty damn sick and it’s no flu.  They are currently still biopsying the node because… honestly, they have no idea what they are looking for.  I also, just shelled out nearly $2000, out of pocket, to have extensive blood tests run for Lyme, babesia, and bartonella.  The doctor seems suffice enough that I will test positive for all three, that she started me on meds for them while we wait for the results.  This Wednesday I have my first appt. with a cardiologist to see why the arteries on the left side of my body are so enlarged.  The left carotid is visibly and palpably enlarged and the artery in the left axiallae was so enlarged that the sonographer couldn’t even figure out what it was.  Later that day, I have a consultation with a surgeon regarding a hernia, that has been darn near excruciating at times since I was pregnant with Jax 13 years ago.  To recap:  I still feel bad and no one knows why.

*Sigh*  As I wait for results and a magic pill to make it all go away, I will post about funny things that Tess does… tomorrow…

Weekend Update

3 Nov

Sandy came and went.  The power merely flickered, once I think.  The mailman survived… and so did the mail.  Damn it!  Our roof leaked in a couple of spots, but nothing that required a bucket.  However, that didn’t stop my husband from hopping on top of the roof a couple of hours before the eye of Sandy made landfall.  No… he had to check it out… and… found nothing.  I over prepared, as I sent my husband on several shopping excursions during the days prior to the storm for massive amounts of groceries, mostly perishable (because why would an oncoming hurricane suddenly help me make an intelligent decision) and then baked a huge vegetarian lasagna the morning of Sandy for me to nibble on during our week without power that never happened.  Half of it is now awaiting the trash can.

Halloween, on the other hand, was the best it’s been in years!  Let’s see… there were my 4,

Tess fell asleep promptly after taking this photo and stayed asleep for our entire trip around the neighborhood.

Jax (in his black morphsuit. yes, he IS in the photo), Phoebe (the princess bumblebee), and Leila in her cupcake (polite as she tried to be (since, I made her costume), Leila had to strip off her cupcake and be a “cherry head” for the last half of her trick or treating adventure because her costume got so heavy.

Tyson and Deon from next door, Brandon and Lucy from down the street, Leila’s friends from school (Samantha and Kelly) and a few of their neighbors, and then Tyson had a couple of his friends from school join in on the fun, too!  All-in-all I think it was a group of 15 kids, 8 parents, and 1 dog walking chasing each other door to door this year and it was AWESOME!!!  Lots of mysteries were solved along the way including… what’s that??? marijuana??? Yes, that is indeed a drug house., Huh, I guess there isn’t a dead person in that house after all.(oddly disappointing), and our missing new friend is alive and well at the end of the street dressed as a witch… YAY!

Jaxon came home 30 minutes after getting to school and promptly vomiting outside of the gym.  He then laid in the bathroom floor shivering with a fever of 102.  Poor guy!  My hands are tortured from all of the washing and sanitizer, but I’m praying that no one else will catch it.  Advil has barely dented his high fever for the past 2 days.

In an effort to get crap lovely things that you should buy moving out of my “sewing corner”, I put several onesies for sale on Etsy. I don’t imagine that they will sell, but they are on there, so that is progress.  Maybe I will make each onesie a pair of matching boots so they will sell and I can be done with them.  (onesies turned out to be much more of a project than they are worth.  fortunately, I only bought like, 20 of them to complete.)  They are all newborn size (which is the problem with selling them.  You pretty much have to be shopping for an up and coming baby shower to consider purchasing them.)  So if you happen to be reading this and know someone who is knocked up, you should buy one of my super awesome onesies.  I’ll give you a 50% off coupon code if you comment on this post!

Oh yeah, Tess started crawling this week!  Can you believe it?!  Everything this year has been such a blur!  I hate blinking any more.  Yep, so she’s crawling, which is why I’m deep cleaning the house.  Not the greatest time of year to do, as a yard sale mid-hurricane/odd-noreaster-type-storm/blizzard is out of the question.  If you are interested feel free to stop by my house and point at random things that you’d like to have and I can guarantee you’d probably end up going home with it.

New address, old look, same antics

4 Oct

Yay!!!  It’s official, I have really have four babies now!  (Because, you know, pushing Tess out of my va-jay-jay 7 months ago didn’t make it official enough… the blog address… that’s what makes Tess… actually… here.)  Honestly, it’s been so long since I’ve really posted that I’m really excited about the fresh start.  I wanted to really revamp the whole site (not just give it a new address) with a whole new look, but the only image free image that I could find to suit “Four Flew Into the Cuckoo’s Nest” was this one,

but these birds look angry, so if you are reading this and are talented in computer illustration feel free to contact me.

I had kind of gotten wrapped up in trying to start a itty-bitty children’s clothing line, but then reality set in disguised in several whiny voices, a giant uncomfortable (like, can’t even sit your big *ss behind the sewing machine anyway) baby bump, and a more untidy than usual home (aka gross).  All-in-all, I’m glad to be semi-back to my old self.  Because sometimes when “dreams” don’t work out, you just have to get back to reality

and if you’re lucky, you realize that your reality is your dream.

I must say, I’m pretty damn lucky.

 

Guess what?!!! I’ve been busy…

25 Nov

I’ve done this…

(My website… the other one… completely revamped with a store and all!!!  I can’t tell you how hard it is building a website from the ground up with only this…

 

as my guide… and honestly, the book might as well have been written in Swahili because I understood all of 3 words in it… including the title!)

www.evmodernbaby.com may be amateur and you know, not perfect, but *newsflash* “This just in, Carol Trader….”

and, yeah, I’ve busy doing things over at Pinterest.

and this….

and this…

and this…

(*sigh*  It’s true… I still haven’t gotten around to cleaning that mirror!)

and this…

and the whole family worked on this…

"Thanks"Giving Tree

one of my leaves

one of Phoebe's leaves

one of Phoebe's leaves (and she doesn't have an octopus...?)

one of Leila's leaves

one of Leila's leaves

one of Michael's leaves (...and of course, he was thankful for his son, too... Jax, just got his own leaf)

one of Michael's leaves (...and of course, he was thankful for his son, too... Jax, just got his own leaf)

one of Jaxon's leaves

(This is our “Thanks”giving Tree, on which we’ve been placing a leaf with something we’re thankful for everyday.  Phoebe’s are the best!  Some of which include… “leaves, Chic-Fil-A, raincoats, pbskids.org (she begs to go here daily so that she can teach herself Japanese, I swear she could order her own sushi at the local Japanese restaurant now… and get a “ball” and a “swing-set” to go with it.)

and then I did this…

(if you “LIKE” the facebook page “Three Flew Into the Cuckoo’s Nest” you will be sent a very special Etsy coupon code)

so hopefully I can sell a little on this…

Sorry that I’ve been absent, but as you can see, I’ve been a little busy!  And apparently the last post has decided to act-up in my absence!!!  What is going on with all of the missing photos?  It must have something to do with that stupid ‘ol Myspace blog that I’m trying to transfer everything from.  I can’t wait until that is done!!!!

Dear God, It’s me, Carol.

20 Oct

I didn’t get my period today, but it’s been 249 days, since my last blog entry confession, so I thought I’d tell you that I’ve probably sinned, like, every five minutes and I guess, I’m sorry.  If you don’t accept half-*ss apologies anymore, maybe a maxed-out major credit card.  Come on, admit it, the economy is bad everywhere.  I’m sure that your clouds could use fluffing and the arches need some polish.

My computers have been fried, re-fried, and unrepairable repeatedly, making blog entries next to impossible.  I have barely even popped on Facebook in months.  In fact, I have oodles of photos that have been lost forever.  Even my most recent ones are stuck on my camera’s memory card because the stupid SD driver isn’t recognizing any cards.  Oh, wait I have one I can scan in, maybe….

It’s a bit pixellated, but I love it!  This was taken at Matt’s gorgeous wedding in the Outer Banks last month.  While we waited for the professional shots on the beach to be underway, the wind picked up.  Jax walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me to warm me up.  I’ve raised quite a gentleman, I must say.

Beyond the wedding, let’s see… I have decided to forgo volunteering for any other major school functions.  It turns out that people really are sucky.  They like to watch people writhe in desperation only to wait to step in and help at the last-minute, you know, in some sort of heroine type performance.  In fact, as I watched Bridesmaids the other night, I couldn’t help, but notice that I have been “the original best friend” in too many instances in my life.  No matter what I do, I will always be upstaged and outperformed.  That… and I have been known to cause someone to sh*t their pants, too.  Yep, it was me who threw the birthday bash from hell, where 90% of the guests left with a violent stomach virus.  It’s true, I hand out the best party favors.  Kids were pooping their pants and throwing up on their parents before they even finished the car ride home.

Hmm… let’s see what else… Leila turned 6; Jax turned 11; I turned… I don’t even know without doing the math, honestly; hospital visits and stays; camping trips; extremely hot days by the pool or avoiding the pool; softball tournaments; golf tournaments; the unveiling of evil and the end of a relationship as I knew it; sleepovers; a crapload of sewing for little people (mainly Phoebe, my little test subject); a major shocker that I still can’t come to terms with; the birth of this cutie

I love him even though I haven’t met him, yet.  Horrible, horrible me, but the wedding and the illnesses and the trip to Vegas… they are all over, so I’m hunting down a babysitter, so that we can finally meet.  So happy for you, Jan!  Congratulations!

Oh, so much more, but I think I’ll just pick things up from this moment on.

Amen

The spread of PCIV… Update: it’s not coming from me!!!

28 Oct

To update:  I just logged onto Networkedblogs that has shut ITSELF down because Networkedblogs has a facebook originated bug.  It’s not this site!!!! I repeat, it’s NOT this site!!!  If my anti-virus software ever detects a virus, I can assure you that I would not continue to keep posting.  I do not promote the spread of PCIV.

The following is me not knowing what the hell is going on.  Please continue if you are bored today!

Apparently, my website needs to be taken to the free clinic to be evaluated for all kinds of googlexually-transmitted diseases.  This site is, again… apparently, a disease flinging internet whore.  Go on cast your stones, it’s ok… I did!

I received a message from a friend that Networkedblogs had detected a virus and was shutting down.  I, personally, did not receive any message from Networkedblogs directly, so that’s weird.  I’m not sure if it is Networkedblogs (the balloon withholding people) who was temporarily viral or if it was this site.  When I bought my new laptop, I bought and installed top-of-the-line anti-virus software and it has never detected a virus on this site.  So, Networkedblogs, though I don’t doubt that my site is a dirty whore who had PCIV, she is currently testing negative for the disease.  A technological miracle, I tell you, but nonetheless, NEGATIVE!

Did anyone else receive this message from Networkedblogs?

P.S. Dear Free WordPress.com,

F – you!!!!!

Sincerely,

Dirty whore

I will be moving this site (Nov. 10th-ish) to 3flewin.com via wordpress.org and Fat Cow where they use steel condoms that will give me strong internet security (i.e. wash me clean in holy water and I will be as pure as the virgin Mary again and stay pure.).

 

the foreboding of the stick person car decal

23 Sep

Being without a computer has been so easy and fun! I’ve mastered my texting skills. My thumbs have never felt stronger. I get to make lots of typos and sound idiotic. I’ve designed a fistful of clothes that I can’t sell because I can’t print out my tags. My connection to the outside world has ceased. I thought to myself the other day that I felt like I was in a photo like the one in Back to the Future. You know where the family members were slowly fading away and if Marty didn’t save the day then they would soon cease to exist. A couple days after I had this thought I noticed this:

Crap! See photos below because WordPress for BlackBerry is the f*cking cutting edge of technology!!!

Did you look,yet? Isn’t it a bit creepy???

People on facebook are forgetting that I exist, which is fine because I have 1 whole friend who talks to me outside of facebook. I know, it’s crazy, right? But don’t be jealous. Non-facebook friends are hard to come by. Maybe one day everyone will have one and we can all go out for drinks at this cool bar I know called VampireMafiawarFarmYoville Anonymous. Don’t let the long name deter you… It’s fun! So I’ve been forgotten about because I can’t type LOL or click ‘like’ under everyone’s minute by minute daily synopsis, it’s totally fine with me. *sniffle* What? You’re crazy! *sniff sniff* I’m not crying! It’s fine that I’m fading! I’m too busy drowning in Bad Girls Club marathons anyway. It’s all good. I’ll just go “incognegro”, to quote Brandi in the last episode. It is totally not pathetic that I just quoted a stripper who is on the verge of having a psychotic breakdown and may murder her bisexual roommate if the stripper’s infatuation with her goes on unrequited. That is the opposite of pathetic. Life is great and interesting when you are computerless. Especially, when your son has a book report to do during your scheduled vacation weekend and the local libraries have been furloughed and are closed during non-school hours because that totally is the perfect time for a library to be closed, right? (Thank you Shelley for allowing Jaxon and I to fight for hours in front of your computer so that we could get it done…. PS he scored 100% on it!). The #1 most awesome thing about being computerless is that my repeated bad luck with computers gets to be someone elses giant headache! I mean nothing makes you feel good about yourself like taking a dump in a friend’s coffee. Especially, when their mug is already overflowing! (Sorry Chris and Karen! Hopefully our computer will be out and STAY out of your hair soon!!!)

just in case my dry humor today was unnoticed, I feel the need to note that everything not in parentheses was written in sarcasm!

giving thumbs

15 Sep

I am currently computerless! (again). I’m typing this via uncoordinated thumbs on my wordpress for BlackBerry app. (hence this post will not be pretty and may be filled with many spelling and grammatical errors).

Considering that this is a thumb post I thought that I’d take the time to literally give a thumb to the following:
Thumbs-down to computer viruses everywhere! May you and your creators forever rot in cyber hell.
Thumbs-up to Chris Nahas for, once again, trying to revive my viral plagued computers. Apparently, my computers have the immune system of the bubble-boy.
Thumbs-down to wordpress.com for not always operating on the most secure network. It was recently brought to my attention that a reader was attacked by a virus while accessing my blog. I know, it sounds icky, like I’m some unprotected crack whore of the internet world. But Wait… Wait… Wait… Don’t run! It’s ok now and to ensure that it won’t happen again in the future I will be obtaining a web host for this blog from a highly secured server as soon as I have a healthy computer. Let this be a lesson to internet surfers everywhere! Use your cyber condoms, but not the trojan brand! *Ba-dum-bum-ching*! (For those of you who did not get the joke: a trojan is a type of computer virus. For those of you who did get the joke: I hope you are getting paid for such knowledge and not just a pathetic victim like myself.)
Thumbs-up to Mike S. for being this blog’s newest networkedblogs follower! Thanks! Hopefully, my blog will not give your computer gohnorhea. (Just had to call my husband and ask him how to spell gohnorhea. It was an awkward conversation. He didn’t know, so we just guesstimated.) PS – please do not go directly and press unfollow.
Thumbs-down to Dick Clark. Where are my f*cking balloons?
Thumbs-up to those of you who comment here on wordpress! *cricket-cricket chirp-chirp* Comments are love! *cricket-cricket chirp-chirp* Ah, crap!
Thumbs-down to having to blog with my thumbs! This sh*t’s for the birds and they don’t even have thumbs. Therefore, I’m cutting it short today. Stay-tuned for tomorrow’s blog where I will give thumbs to baby and toddler products.
If you have any suggestions, by all means, share them with a comment here;)

Drumroll please….

30 Aug

So, I signed up for this “Networkedblogs” thingy and supposedly it’s awesome and great and helpful and yada, yada, yada.  After I signed up, the application kept saying “info not available yet” because “blog needs 20+ followers”.  So I got all excited and pestery (Dictionary according to Carol:  Law #1-  You can add a “y” to the end of any word.  It only makes the word coolery.) and bugged all of my Facebook friends until people started clicking “follow me”.  I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when I got 20 followers, but I was hoping … [*hummingbird alert* OMG, there is a little teeny-weeny hummingbird right outside my window… right now!  This is so freakin’ cool!  It’s like 2 feet from my face!!!  Where’s my camera?  Ahhh!!!  Another bird just squawked at it and chased it away.  I swear if I go to the door and I see “crazy bird” eating the cute little hummingbird… that will be it!  I will no longer be able to live in psychotic-wildlife-ville anymore… I will totally move!]… So anyway, people asked me what would happen when the 20 followers goal was made and I was all like “I don’t know, but I’m hoping fireworks are involved!  Maybe a parade or Ed McMahon at my door with a bunch of balloons?… Wait!  That would be silly because he died last year or something.  20 followers couldn’t possibly bring someone back from the dead to deliver balloons…  Or could it?…  Hmmm… This is exciting!” So late last night the 20 followers goal was met AND……………………………………………. nothing!  Nothing happened! There was no parade, no fireworks, no Ed McMahon at my door with balloons, not even a half-dead Dick Clark with balloons!  At the very least, I thought that it would make my little networked blogs widget look like this

I wanted to see your little faces all happy-like in my widget, just like in the one above!   But, N000O!!! I didn’t get it!  I have written a message in a neworkedblogs forum about their sucky widget not working on my site and have demanded that they fix it and if they can’t… then I want balloons!

Until then I want to give a shout-out to the following super-awesome people:

Marika, Shelley, Megan, Greta, Sheila, Marc, Mike, Ricky, Courtney, Angela, Erica, Mandi, Kate, Melanie, Johnny, Lori, Deborah, Bobbi, Janna, Julie, Monica, Nicci, and Theresa!! You guys are the best!  Also, please don’t click unfollow immediately after reading this blog.  That would be great.  Thank you!

I think a couple of people clicked “follow me”, but it didn’t work.  If there are any problems, please let me know and I will try to work out the kinks. If you didn’t see your name in the shout-out above… it didn’t go through… please try again… whenever.

Also, if you were one of the lucky few who missed the 30,000 Facebook posts about the “follow me” link, here’s your opportunity!  I will continue giving shout-outs until my widget works properly because you deserve it, too!

I feel very much Clark Griswold-like, in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  There was a “drumroll please?” and with the *crash boom bam* of out-of-tune cymbals, much to my disappointment, nothing happened!  Yep, that’s pretty much it…

“I dedicate this house networkedblogs-moment to the Griswold Family Christmas!” *bah- der(rolling r’s)rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

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