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Monday, Monday

12 Sep

I had this grand idea to get organized.  The pool season has ended and so it’s time to stop neglecting the house/kids/myself.  As I do with most of my grand ideas, I looked to Pinterest (aka “Carol’s brain” because how did I ever do anything or have an idea on my own without Pinterest).  And with any great idea that can only be completed with the help of Pinterest, I had to spend hours searching and pinning and then clicking on pins and filtering through pins.  I finally decided to do this…

listingmaincollagethemomplannerbycleanlifeandhome

Yep, 147 pages!  Not to be confused with 148 pages which would totally be overboard.

…and then there were all of these checklists that had to be printed out and organized.  (because you have to organize your organization binder to help you organize)

thinking-face

…and then I had to fill in checklists, make menus and plan a whole week of cleaning.

The more lists I completed the more overwhelmed I felt.  *This is already backfiring.  Why do I feel less organized.  What’s that?  What’s happening?  What’s going on?

So I worked and typed and penciled-in this and that in my binder all weekend.  And finally, at 3 AM this morning, I had the week ready to go.  I looked over my Monday morning checklist and thought to myself “Ok, it seems like a lot.  I’m overwhelmed, but wait… some of this I can really knock out in the hour that I have in between dropping Phoebe off at her bus stop and dropping Leila off at her bus stop.  Tess will be asleep.  This may work!  I’ve got this!”

…But then Tess woke up at 4 AM crying and I couldn’t get her back to sleep until after 5 AM and feeling exhausted I started reasoning with reality.  “I have to get up at 6:30 AM to get Jax off to school.  Let’s be real.  I’ll be too tired and want to take a nap after all of the kids are gone.  I’m going to have to add “nap” to my to-do list.  Is that contradictory?  Can you add “nap” to a to-do list that is supposed to keep you organized and timely?  Screw it!  Adding “nap” to my to-do list will be the first thing I “to-do”.”  Zzzzzz…

As predicted, I was exhausted to the point of delirium, but I got Jax up and ready, then I got Phoebe up and ready, and then I opened my binder and set to cross things off quickly, so I could get to “nap”.  I did a load of laundry, took care of the dog, woke Leila up and got her in the shower, realized that most of the things I actually do weren’t even on my to-do list, but thought things were going well… until Leila walked up to me in the hallway mid-“laundry” check-off.  Soaking wet with tears in her eyes she stammered, “Mom, I just remembered, I was supposed to do a project this weekend.”  

“A project?!  Not a worksheet or a chapter to read, but a whole PROJECT?!”

“Yes!  I need to make a poster about something for health class.”  Still dripping under her towel, she shuffled through her binder and handed me a sheet with her project requirements. 7 research bulletin points, to be exact.

“Crap!  Ok, get dressed.  Seriously, Leila?!  You have to be at the bus stop in 20 minutes.  It’ll be fine.  Dry your eyes.  Mommy to the rescue!  Let me see what I can knock out.”  I quickly turned to the computer and tapped away at the keyboard, scrambled for a gnarly piece of leftover posterboard, a glue stick and my paper cutter.  Frantically, I searched, copy and pasted, printed, cut and glued and all the while it was killing me that I couldn’t rephrase most of it and that it wasn’t pretty.  It dawned on me that most people with OCD are probably unorganized because if it’s not perfect then it’s not good enough, so why even try?  I had completed 5 bulletin points before she had to leave for the bus stop.  She walked out of the door without a project and both of us were deflated, but I trudged on and when it was completed I jumped in the van with what is quite possibly the worst looking poster on “Stuttering” the teacher will ever be handed.  I zipped to the bus stop just as the bus was coming down the street to pick her up.  *Yay!  I got to be her hero!  She gave me a giant hug, as I told her to study the poster on the bus and really learn her topic.

I left the bus stop smiling, but even more exhausted.  I came home to stare blankly at the mess the haphazard project had left behind in its wake and then look over even more blankly at my “to-do list” with its one… lone… check.  Nope, “do Leila’s weekend project for her” wasn’t on there.  Just then… *crunch* *crunch* “Shit!  What’s the dog into?”  Fabulous, “cleaning up shards of gnawed on colored pencils” isn’t on my to-do list either.  F U, Monday!

mondaymonday

New address, old look, same antics

4 Oct

Yay!!!  It’s official, I have really have four babies now!  (Because, you know, pushing Tess out of my va-jay-jay 7 months ago didn’t make it official enough… the blog address… that’s what makes Tess… actually… here.)  Honestly, it’s been so long since I’ve really posted that I’m really excited about the fresh start.  I wanted to really revamp the whole site (not just give it a new address) with a whole new look, but the only image free image that I could find to suit “Four Flew Into the Cuckoo’s Nest” was this one,

but these birds look angry, so if you are reading this and are talented in computer illustration feel free to contact me.

I had kind of gotten wrapped up in trying to start a itty-bitty children’s clothing line, but then reality set in disguised in several whiny voices, a giant uncomfortable (like, can’t even sit your big *ss behind the sewing machine anyway) baby bump, and a more untidy than usual home (aka gross).  All-in-all, I’m glad to be semi-back to my old self.  Because sometimes when “dreams” don’t work out, you just have to get back to reality

and if you’re lucky, you realize that your reality is your dream.

I must say, I’m pretty damn lucky.

 

Guess what?!!! I’ve been busy…

25 Nov

I’ve done this…

(My website… the other one… completely revamped with a store and all!!!  I can’t tell you how hard it is building a website from the ground up with only this…

 

as my guide… and honestly, the book might as well have been written in Swahili because I understood all of 3 words in it… including the title!)

www.evmodernbaby.com may be amateur and you know, not perfect, but *newsflash* “This just in, Carol Trader….”

and, yeah, I’ve busy doing things over at Pinterest.

and this….

and this…

and this…

(*sigh*  It’s true… I still haven’t gotten around to cleaning that mirror!)

and this…

and the whole family worked on this…

"Thanks"Giving Tree

one of my leaves

one of Phoebe's leaves

one of Phoebe's leaves (and she doesn't have an octopus...?)

one of Leila's leaves

one of Leila's leaves

one of Michael's leaves (...and of course, he was thankful for his son, too... Jax, just got his own leaf)

one of Michael's leaves (...and of course, he was thankful for his son, too... Jax, just got his own leaf)

one of Jaxon's leaves

(This is our “Thanks”giving Tree, on which we’ve been placing a leaf with something we’re thankful for everyday.  Phoebe’s are the best!  Some of which include… “leaves, Chic-Fil-A, raincoats, pbskids.org (she begs to go here daily so that she can teach herself Japanese, I swear she could order her own sushi at the local Japanese restaurant now… and get a “ball” and a “swing-set” to go with it.)

and then I did this…

(if you “LIKE” the facebook page “Three Flew Into the Cuckoo’s Nest” you will be sent a very special Etsy coupon code)

so hopefully I can sell a little on this…

Sorry that I’ve been absent, but as you can see, I’ve been a little busy!  And apparently the last post has decided to act-up in my absence!!!  What is going on with all of the missing photos?  It must have something to do with that stupid ‘ol Myspace blog that I’m trying to transfer everything from.  I can’t wait until that is done!!!!

Dear God, It’s me, Carol.

20 Oct

I didn’t get my period today, but it’s been 249 days, since my last blog entry confession, so I thought I’d tell you that I’ve probably sinned, like, every five minutes and I guess, I’m sorry.  If you don’t accept half-*ss apologies anymore, maybe a maxed-out major credit card.  Come on, admit it, the economy is bad everywhere.  I’m sure that your clouds could use fluffing and the arches need some polish.

My computers have been fried, re-fried, and unrepairable repeatedly, making blog entries next to impossible.  I have barely even popped on Facebook in months.  In fact, I have oodles of photos that have been lost forever.  Even my most recent ones are stuck on my camera’s memory card because the stupid SD driver isn’t recognizing any cards.  Oh, wait I have one I can scan in, maybe….

It’s a bit pixellated, but I love it!  This was taken at Matt’s gorgeous wedding in the Outer Banks last month.  While we waited for the professional shots on the beach to be underway, the wind picked up.  Jax walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around me to warm me up.  I’ve raised quite a gentleman, I must say.

Beyond the wedding, let’s see… I have decided to forgo volunteering for any other major school functions.  It turns out that people really are sucky.  They like to watch people writhe in desperation only to wait to step in and help at the last-minute, you know, in some sort of heroine type performance.  In fact, as I watched Bridesmaids the other night, I couldn’t help, but notice that I have been “the original best friend” in too many instances in my life.  No matter what I do, I will always be upstaged and outperformed.  That… and I have been known to cause someone to sh*t their pants, too.  Yep, it was me who threw the birthday bash from hell, where 90% of the guests left with a violent stomach virus.  It’s true, I hand out the best party favors.  Kids were pooping their pants and throwing up on their parents before they even finished the car ride home.

Hmm… let’s see what else… Leila turned 6; Jax turned 11; I turned… I don’t even know without doing the math, honestly; hospital visits and stays; camping trips; extremely hot days by the pool or avoiding the pool; softball tournaments; golf tournaments; the unveiling of evil and the end of a relationship as I knew it; sleepovers; a crapload of sewing for little people (mainly Phoebe, my little test subject); a major shocker that I still can’t come to terms with; the birth of this cutie

I love him even though I haven’t met him, yet.  Horrible, horrible me, but the wedding and the illnesses and the trip to Vegas… they are all over, so I’m hunting down a babysitter, so that we can finally meet.  So happy for you, Jan!  Congratulations!

Oh, so much more, but I think I’ll just pick things up from this moment on.

Amen

The spread of PCIV… Update: it’s not coming from me!!!

28 Oct

To update:  I just logged onto Networkedblogs that has shut ITSELF down because Networkedblogs has a facebook originated bug.  It’s not this site!!!! I repeat, it’s NOT this site!!!  If my anti-virus software ever detects a virus, I can assure you that I would not continue to keep posting.  I do not promote the spread of PCIV.

The following is me not knowing what the hell is going on.  Please continue if you are bored today!

Apparently, my website needs to be taken to the free clinic to be evaluated for all kinds of googlexually-transmitted diseases.  This site is, again… apparently, a disease flinging internet whore.  Go on cast your stones, it’s ok… I did!

I received a message from a friend that Networkedblogs had detected a virus and was shutting down.  I, personally, did not receive any message from Networkedblogs directly, so that’s weird.  I’m not sure if it is Networkedblogs (the balloon withholding people) who was temporarily viral or if it was this site.  When I bought my new laptop, I bought and installed top-of-the-line anti-virus software and it has never detected a virus on this site.  So, Networkedblogs, though I don’t doubt that my site is a dirty whore who had PCIV, she is currently testing negative for the disease.  A technological miracle, I tell you, but nonetheless, NEGATIVE!

Did anyone else receive this message from Networkedblogs?

P.S. Dear Free WordPress.com,

F – you!!!!!

Sincerely,

Dirty whore

I will be moving this site (Nov. 10th-ish) to 3flewin.com via wordpress.org and Fat Cow where they use steel condoms that will give me strong internet security (i.e. wash me clean in holy water and I will be as pure as the virgin Mary again and stay pure.).

 

Poltergeist version 2010

4 Oct

When I was a little girl, my name was subject to a lot of teasing. “Carol Ann… Carol Ann… Go into the light, Carol Ann.” Isn’t it fitting that a movie about ghosts taking over a television set to communicate with a little girl would put my name on the map?

You know, considering that I feel like my computers have been possessed by hell’s demons.  “Carol Ann… Carol Ann… Click on the Firefox symbol, Carol Ann.”  *computer is immediately and violently possessed and dies in a few flashes of viral pop-ups and arcade sound effects* “They’re heeeeere… and damn them… they’ve taken the family photos that I’ve uploaded and songs that I’ve downloaded since May with them!!!!”

Yes, the poltergeist have taken a computer course or two and are torturing Carol Ann, me, via computer screen rather than TV screen.  Poltergeist version 2010!

This past June the motherboard on our computer blew up.  It was only a year and a half old.  We were kindly given a loaner and sent our computer off to be fixed.  We got it back in July/August.  3-4 weeks ago, it blew up again, but this time it was the hard drive and it blew due to machine error, so our memory isn’t even recoverable.  Mike and I sighed and said, “Good thing we still have the loaner.” A few days later, the loaner’s hard drive blew.  For weeks we lived computerless, in hopes that HP would fix our continually burnt-out computer out of the goodness of their heart and thick bank accounts, but it soon came increasingly apparent, with Jaxon’s school work load, that we were in dire need of the internet.  On Thursday, I all but bribed Michael into buying another computer.  “We just need one of those cheap netbook thingies… PLLLLEEEAASSSSE!” On Friday, we bought one.  We came home and Mike charged the battery.  An hour and 10 mins. later, he turned on the computer, and with installation instructions and virus security software in hand, clicked on the Best Buy icon for computer installation/registration/setup.  Less than 1 minute later an ad for an antivirus software company popped up, then porno.org popped up, then Windows 7 pop-ups started  going crazy with “Windows 7 has detected a threat” and then adult.com popped up.  Mike and I stared at the screen in horror.  “What the…. I just turned it on!  All I did was click on the Best Buy icon.  I didn’t even click on an internet tab!!” I could almost hear the hissing voice of poltergeist from inside the computer. “Carol Ann…. Carol Ann!” That was it!  I was now convinced that we were possessed by computer demons.

Whatever virus had attacked our computer, within the minute that it was turned on, was a terrible one.  It had taken over every driver on the computer (basically, the computer would only turn on and off).  Being somewhat experienced with computer viruses we knew that we could run a system recovery and  the computer would be wiped clean and brand new again (you know, as new as it was 1 minute ago).  However, netbooks don’t have disc drives, so therefore there is no recovery disc.  After you register the computer, you are directed to download recovery software.  The problem is… we never got that far.

So our fresh-out-of-the-box computer was trashed by a virus before we could register it, install antivirus software, and download recovery software.  Mike called Best Buy and explained to them the situation, by they didn’t believe him and told him that they do not return or exchange computers with viruses.  I could see Mike’s face turning various shades of color.  He hung up the phone and said that Best Buy said that there was nothing that they could do for us.  “The hell there isn’t!  Put it in the box!  Everyone, get your shoes on we’re going for a ride!” We got to Best Buy and, of course, the manager didn’t believe that the computer was only turned on for a brief period of time.  He said that we had to be surfing the internet in order to get the virus.  Mike said that the Best Buy icon was all that he had clicked-on.  Possibly it had redirected him to the internet???  Probably so that we could register it???  The manager said that it doesn’t access the internet for registry.  That’s when I stepped in and cried, “Bullshit!” I’ve registered a lot of things over the years and you can either do it on the internet or via snail-mail, but the thought of registering my computer simply to my computer was just nonsense.  How do you tell someone who should know a lot more than you that they are an idiot?

After much BS at the counter in Best Buy, the manager finally agreed to let us exchange the computer, but only if we paid their Geek Squad $50 to install the antivirus software, register the computer, and run all of the start-up software for us.  “Fine, whatever!  What’s our other option… to walk home with a shiny new $300 piece of useless plastic?”

I know you’ve never heard this from me before, but “Why is nothing as simple as it should be?”

Again…

Map I live by!

***********************************************

And now that I have a computer….

dun da da dunnnnn…

The Erie Foreboding of the Stick Figure Car Decal

*for details please see previous post*

the foreboding of the stick person car decal

23 Sep

Being without a computer has been so easy and fun! I’ve mastered my texting skills. My thumbs have never felt stronger. I get to make lots of typos and sound idiotic. I’ve designed a fistful of clothes that I can’t sell because I can’t print out my tags. My connection to the outside world has ceased. I thought to myself the other day that I felt like I was in a photo like the one in Back to the Future. You know where the family members were slowly fading away and if Marty didn’t save the day then they would soon cease to exist. A couple days after I had this thought I noticed this:

Crap! See photos below because WordPress for BlackBerry is the f*cking cutting edge of technology!!!

Did you look,yet? Isn’t it a bit creepy???

People on facebook are forgetting that I exist, which is fine because I have 1 whole friend who talks to me outside of facebook. I know, it’s crazy, right? But don’t be jealous. Non-facebook friends are hard to come by. Maybe one day everyone will have one and we can all go out for drinks at this cool bar I know called VampireMafiawarFarmYoville Anonymous. Don’t let the long name deter you… It’s fun! So I’ve been forgotten about because I can’t type LOL or click ‘like’ under everyone’s minute by minute daily synopsis, it’s totally fine with me. *sniffle* What? You’re crazy! *sniff sniff* I’m not crying! It’s fine that I’m fading! I’m too busy drowning in Bad Girls Club marathons anyway. It’s all good. I’ll just go “incognegro”, to quote Brandi in the last episode. It is totally not pathetic that I just quoted a stripper who is on the verge of having a psychotic breakdown and may murder her bisexual roommate if the stripper’s infatuation with her goes on unrequited. That is the opposite of pathetic. Life is great and interesting when you are computerless. Especially, when your son has a book report to do during your scheduled vacation weekend and the local libraries have been furloughed and are closed during non-school hours because that totally is the perfect time for a library to be closed, right? (Thank you Shelley for allowing Jaxon and I to fight for hours in front of your computer so that we could get it done…. PS he scored 100% on it!). The #1 most awesome thing about being computerless is that my repeated bad luck with computers gets to be someone elses giant headache! I mean nothing makes you feel good about yourself like taking a dump in a friend’s coffee. Especially, when their mug is already overflowing! (Sorry Chris and Karen! Hopefully our computer will be out and STAY out of your hair soon!!!)

just in case my dry humor today was unnoticed, I feel the need to note that everything not in parentheses was written in sarcasm!

giving thumbs

15 Sep

I am currently computerless! (again). I’m typing this via uncoordinated thumbs on my wordpress for BlackBerry app. (hence this post will not be pretty and may be filled with many spelling and grammatical errors).

Considering that this is a thumb post I thought that I’d take the time to literally give a thumb to the following:
Thumbs-down to computer viruses everywhere! May you and your creators forever rot in cyber hell.
Thumbs-up to Chris Nahas for, once again, trying to revive my viral plagued computers. Apparently, my computers have the immune system of the bubble-boy.
Thumbs-down to wordpress.com for not always operating on the most secure network. It was recently brought to my attention that a reader was attacked by a virus while accessing my blog. I know, it sounds icky, like I’m some unprotected crack whore of the internet world. But Wait… Wait… Wait… Don’t run! It’s ok now and to ensure that it won’t happen again in the future I will be obtaining a web host for this blog from a highly secured server as soon as I have a healthy computer. Let this be a lesson to internet surfers everywhere! Use your cyber condoms, but not the trojan brand! *Ba-dum-bum-ching*! (For those of you who did not get the joke: a trojan is a type of computer virus. For those of you who did get the joke: I hope you are getting paid for such knowledge and not just a pathetic victim like myself.)
Thumbs-up to Mike S. for being this blog’s newest networkedblogs follower! Thanks! Hopefully, my blog will not give your computer gohnorhea. (Just had to call my husband and ask him how to spell gohnorhea. It was an awkward conversation. He didn’t know, so we just guesstimated.) PS – please do not go directly and press unfollow.
Thumbs-down to Dick Clark. Where are my f*cking balloons?
Thumbs-up to those of you who comment here on wordpress! *cricket-cricket chirp-chirp* Comments are love! *cricket-cricket chirp-chirp* Ah, crap!
Thumbs-down to having to blog with my thumbs! This sh*t’s for the birds and they don’t even have thumbs. Therefore, I’m cutting it short today. Stay-tuned for tomorrow’s blog where I will give thumbs to baby and toddler products.
If you have any suggestions, by all means, share them with a comment here;)

Drumroll please….

30 Aug

So, I signed up for this “Networkedblogs” thingy and supposedly it’s awesome and great and helpful and yada, yada, yada.  After I signed up, the application kept saying “info not available yet” because “blog needs 20+ followers”.  So I got all excited and pestery (Dictionary according to Carol:  Law #1-  You can add a “y” to the end of any word.  It only makes the word coolery.) and bugged all of my Facebook friends until people started clicking “follow me”.  I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when I got 20 followers, but I was hoping … [*hummingbird alert* OMG, there is a little teeny-weeny hummingbird right outside my window… right now!  This is so freakin’ cool!  It’s like 2 feet from my face!!!  Where’s my camera?  Ahhh!!!  Another bird just squawked at it and chased it away.  I swear if I go to the door and I see “crazy bird” eating the cute little hummingbird… that will be it!  I will no longer be able to live in psychotic-wildlife-ville anymore… I will totally move!]… So anyway, people asked me what would happen when the 20 followers goal was made and I was all like “I don’t know, but I’m hoping fireworks are involved!  Maybe a parade or Ed McMahon at my door with a bunch of balloons?… Wait!  That would be silly because he died last year or something.  20 followers couldn’t possibly bring someone back from the dead to deliver balloons…  Or could it?…  Hmmm… This is exciting!” So late last night the 20 followers goal was met AND……………………………………………. nothing!  Nothing happened! There was no parade, no fireworks, no Ed McMahon at my door with balloons, not even a half-dead Dick Clark with balloons!  At the very least, I thought that it would make my little networked blogs widget look like this

I wanted to see your little faces all happy-like in my widget, just like in the one above!   But, N000O!!! I didn’t get it!  I have written a message in a neworkedblogs forum about their sucky widget not working on my site and have demanded that they fix it and if they can’t… then I want balloons!

Until then I want to give a shout-out to the following super-awesome people:

Marika, Shelley, Megan, Greta, Sheila, Marc, Mike, Ricky, Courtney, Angela, Erica, Mandi, Kate, Melanie, Johnny, Lori, Deborah, Bobbi, Janna, Julie, Monica, Nicci, and Theresa!! You guys are the best!  Also, please don’t click unfollow immediately after reading this blog.  That would be great.  Thank you!

I think a couple of people clicked “follow me”, but it didn’t work.  If there are any problems, please let me know and I will try to work out the kinks. If you didn’t see your name in the shout-out above… it didn’t go through… please try again… whenever.

Also, if you were one of the lucky few who missed the 30,000 Facebook posts about the “follow me” link, here’s your opportunity!  I will continue giving shout-outs until my widget works properly because you deserve it, too!

I feel very much Clark Griswold-like, in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  There was a “drumroll please?” and with the *crash boom bam* of out-of-tune cymbals, much to my disappointment, nothing happened!  Yep, that’s pretty much it…

“I dedicate this house networkedblogs-moment to the Griswold Family Christmas!” *bah- der(rolling r’s)rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

computers suck!

25 Jun

It is almost 3:30 AM and I’ve been trying all day and night and now, another day trying to remove a stupid virus from this computer!!!  I’ve had a quirky blog about DC suburbian wildlife in the works, but a virus kept me from pulling up my website.  No matter what anti-spyware or ghostery or cookie deleting or driver disabling I tried, nothing worked.  Finally, I just gave up on my web of choice, Firefox, and went to the trusty ‘ol Microsoft Internet Explorer and VIOLA!!!  I am here!  So my virus is limited to Firefox and there it will stay, until my computer is blessed by a Catholic Priest and spews the virus out… probably after levitating and spewing a green volcano of vomit out of the CD-rom.  Might I add, before I finally crash into a stress-induced coma, that this virus is on the loner computer that I just received (less than 2 wks ago)… you know the computer that was given to me because MY computer’s motherboard committed suicide.  I loathe thee, computer!!!  And, yes, I know… the feeling’s mutual.  F*cker!!!

Stay tuned for “Animal Kingdom meets DC suburbia”… unless, of course, some other unforseen computer malfunction arrises… like getting pummeled by a hammer over and over again, for instance!

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