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Hall0we-lujah, on to Christmas!

2 Nov

It was a long haunting weekend.  Halloween was on a Monday this year and the kids had an extended weekend with a two hour early dismissal on Friday and no school on Monday, so the celebrations began on Friday with a costume party at school.  Phoebe’s costume was an underwhelming last minute choice of Foxy Woxy from Henny Penny (just a crappy fox mask and a clip on tail that we have laying around in a costume bin).

On Saturday, we went to Baker’s 2nd birthday party where I met Isabelle for the first time and got my baby fix.  She’s so sweet and such a good baby.  Jan is one lucky mommy.

Then we rushed home to make it to a friend’s 46th birthday party and Halloween celebration for the kids.  It was awesome, but I left my phone home, so no pics.  Boo!  My costume was the underwhelming Foxy Woxy mask and tail that Phoebe wore to school, but I did attempt to create drama with a badly drawn smoky eye under the mask.  I was too tired to hose my face down when we returned home at 1 AM, so I woke up with some seriously stained white pillows and a face that looked like this


On Sunday, we had Trunk or Treat at the pool and it was supposed to be followed up by a Skate Night, but once again the Skate Truck didn’t show up, so the kids enjoyed their own personal scooters on the tennis courts while we set up the old school Ghostbusters movie on the big screen.  5 minutes into the movie a storm started brewing, so we had to call the whole thing off.


And then Monday… Halloween… finally came.  Time to Trick or Treat!  Phoebe’s costume cost all of $5 for a can of yellow spray paint.  Mike drew on the SpongeBob face and I painted it (and then repainted it after an accidental throw of a dog toy ripped a giant scar down the front of SpongeBob’s face.  It had to be surgically taped and touched up with another layer of not-so-well-matched paint).  It was a chilly year for trick or treating, but we survived… save for many houses that left their porch lights on, but were not handing out candy.  What’s up with that?!  Tess was hilarious though in her disappointment with said houses.  “Why don’t they have candy?”  “Why is their light on, though?”  “Why don’t they like Halloween?”  “Who doesn’t have CANDY?”  “Why… Why… Why… won’t they give me candy?”  Then she would stop at the end of their driveways and glance back at the candyless house as though she was memorizing their location and possibly thinking to herself this is the house that I’m going to egg tomorrow.

Jax roamed the neighborhood with his friends again this year and since they just went to each other’s houses, he pilfered all of the candy that Tess had received with peanuts/peanut butter in them from her plastic pumpkin.  Such a good big brother, looking out for the safety of his peanut allergy plagued little sister.  I managed to get one lone blurry picture of the boys before my camera died, but since I can’t find my charger, I can’t upload the photo… so you get none.

Leila went trick or treating across town with a few friends and apparently they decided to go to a haunted house along the way.  According to her text, she “barley screamed”.  I get a kick out of her misspelled texts.

As the long, several different costume-change-filled, Halloween came to a close, I was happy to say so-long to Halloween.  Bring on the Christmas!!!




When life gives you pink eye, make pink lemonade.

5 Apr

So you know how things never quite pan out how you envisioned them.  Yeah, well that’s the definition of Carol Trader.  I don’t think I’ve pulled anything off quite how I meant for it to be.  And I’m talking the small things, the haphazard moments that make you go “really?!”, not the life-altering atrocities or the as luck would have it happenstances.  Matter of fact, the very definition of haphazard

1. disorganized, unsystematic, careless, slapdash, helter-skelter.

is pretty much the very definition of me.  Most of the time I really do just kinda fumble my way through things and try to just. get it. done.  But even when I try to be careful and meticulous it always backfires and I just end up sitting at the head of a table caving in under a heap of mess.

So my girl, Jan is having her third baby, but first baby girl.  I’m so excited!  I thought to myself, “Carol, you kind of sucked at the Maid of Honor thing for her.  You know, like when you left the bachelorette party that you had planned for her (DC 101 Chili Cookoff concert then bar hopping) to go grab a car to meet up for bar hopping… but then your husband, who picked you and your friend Renee up in his police cruiser to go grab Renee’s car ended up in a haphazard car chase while you and Renee were in the backseat… which was kinda time-consuming and left Renee skittish and no one wanting to drive anywhere afterwards.  (Also, as it turns out, I think one of the girls was roofied while bar hopping without us, later that night.  Though she ended up being fine, it was scary, to say the least.  Yep, that’s me-  Friend of the Year!)  Or like, when the time came for you to give a speech at her wedding reception, but you had to to tell the DJ that you were haphazardly chickening out due to speech anxiety and you had your speech printed and framed for her instead.”  Yeah, I’m that Maid of Honor.  So, I owe her and something like a surprise baby shower might be an awesome way to show her how much I love her.

I sent Jan’s husband a text to see if a baby shower was already in the making, first.  He said that a neighbor threw a tiny neighborhood Baby Sprinkle for their last baby, Baker, so I asked for the neighbor’s name and number and quickly went to work on a surprise shower.  While waiting for a guest list and confirmation from the neighbor, Jan’s mom beat me to the punch and I received a shower invitation in the mail.  Crap!  But all wasn’t lost, Jan’s mom’s shower was being held on the shore an hour and a half away from Jan’s local friends & neighbors, so I thought we could still pull it off.  Jan’s neighbor thought it would be best to ask Jan if she was cool with it first, so no surprise, but the shower was still a go.  Yay!  I set to pinning things to make for the shower and sent out the digital invite.  I made the bunnies for the cupcakes the night before and woke up early to bake.


The cupcakes turned out adorable and we loaded the gifts, cupcakes and girls in the van (they would play with Jan’s boys, while I attended the shower).  Things were going well, until I turned to hand Tess a juicebox to drink during our ride and noticed that the eye that looked a bit irritated when she woke up was looking more like pink eye.  Crap!  Crap!  When we arrived at Jan’s neighbor’s house, I pulled Jan aside and said that it was looking like Tess had pink eye and that I didn’t feel comfortable staying and letting her play with Jan’s boys.  Mike took the girls to the neighborhood park, so that I could unpack the cupcakes, drop off the baby’s gifts and give Jan a hug.  Boo!  And that was that.  The carefully planned – I’m going to make up for being a horrible Maid of Honor – solo- surprise- shower that ended up being a second, non-surprise, Sprinkle that I wasn’t even able to attend.  I don’t mean that quite as negatively as it sounds because everything turned out just perfect, I’m just harping on the somewhat hilarity that it was not quite how I had envisioned it would go down on my end.  Jan’s mother’s shower was fabulous (Thank goodness I was in attendence).  And in the few minutes that I was at the Sprinkle, it looked as though Jan was having a great time and that was all that mattered, whether I was able to stay or not the ultimate goal was achieved.


On the way home, we passed Great Falls Park and since we had a surprising amount of time to kill that day, I asked Mike to stop.  The weather was perfect to take the girls on a small hike down a Great Falls trail, so we took the time to stop and enjoy our pink-eye-filled life.  And though even the Great Falls hike was a haphazard family outing, sometimes haphazard is… *sigh*… kinda nice.  Not what I envisioned for the day, but still nice.  When life gives you pink eye, make pink lemoade.

IMG_1087IMG_1079 IMG_1079 IMG_1078 IMG_1069 IMG_1054 IMG_1053

P.S. We made the right decision about not letting Tess stay and play.  It turned out that she had viral pink eye, which apparently is more contagious than bacterial and there is no treatment.  You just have to wait it out.  Thankfully, it was short lived.  2 days later, she is well and on the mend.


14 Jan

As of late, (and I’ll tell you all about why in a later post) I scroll through Facebook or Pinterest and wonder who the f*ck is making all of these inspirational quotes attached to stock photos of sunsets or beaches or sunsets on beaches or silly minions?!

Sometimes, I’d rather not be “stronger” because of what I’m  “going through”.

Sometimes, I want to punch that stupid minion in the face and sometimes I flip that damn sunset the bird.

Sometimes, I really don’t care what “God’s calling” is and I drop to my knees and I yell at him.  Yes, I’ve yelled him.  I apologize in prayer later and I hope he understands my anger, as I hope he understands that I unapologetically think he’s making the wrong call.

Sometimes, I pull away from a compassionate hug or shy away from eye contact when talking about “life’s difficulties” because if I hug for one second longer or actually see the sincerity in your gaze I will lose it… I mean… I will really lose it.

Sometimes, “you can do this” doesn’t apply.  I mean, really… I don’t live in a Disney cartoon.  There’s no bippity-boppity-boo nor anything humanly possible to fix some things.  I can’t do this because umm… It can’t be done.  I’ve tried and searched and have done everything in my power to fix some things, but like a shattered piece of antique china that’s irreplaceable… some things are just… unfixable.

Sometimes I give people a fake smile and say “everything’s fine” or “it’s going to be a long journey, but it’ll be fine”, but…

Most of the time  “fine” sucks shit and I honestly don’t think “fine” is good enough.

Most of the time, I want everything to be “perfect”.

Most of the time, I say “it’s fine”, close the door, sit in my bathroom and sob in a roll of toilet paper until my head throbs.

lily's birtdday party

(For what it’s worth, I forced myself to get my sobs together and walked to the party that I wrote about in the previous post and I’m glad I did because soon after I arrived and snapped a photo with my gal pals, Leila came down with what would be one of her last horrendous headaches.  As, I walked her to Mike’s car she vomited violently and at that moment I knew, what deep down I always knew- something was very wrong with Leila.  I made the appointment that would change our lives forever the very next day.)

When life gives you lemons…

13 Mar

… laugh at the little things.

Last week, I started feeling pretty awful.  Lymph nodes began flaring again, chest inflammation, irritability… blah, blah, blah, so I closed down my Etsy shop.  Just in time, as luck would have it!  Leila had also been sick with a virus for over a week.  She was coughing non-stop, but it was productive and her doctor listened to her chest several times and said she had normal breathing sounds, so not to worry.  She began vomiting mucous, but my doctor said again, not to worry, she would be fine.  After 5 days of her vomiting mucous and gasping for air, I had had enough and asked Michael to take her to urgent care.  I would stay behind with the little ones because they had their own congestion issues and I didn’t want the petri dish of a hospital make matters worse.  At urgent care they took xrays and noted something, but they weren’t quite sure what it was, they recommended a ct scan, which would have to be ordered by her doctor the next day, started her on antibiotics, and sent her home.  She had coughing spells and difficulty breathing throughout the night.  After we sent Jax off to school in the morning, I told Mike not to wait for her doctor’s office to open and to just take her to the ER, where they could run a ct scan.  I paced with worry while the little ones slept and when Mike called me a few hours later to ask me if she could have been exposed to TB and I could hear her in a fit to catch her breath in the background, I had had enough!  Still without a license and not wanting to expose my neighbors’ kids to whatever my children had, I asked a dear friend to drive me and the kids to the ER.  Like a scene out of Terms of Endearment, I hovered over her, fussed over her condition at the nursing desk, got her a warm blanket, tissues, more meds, begged for the doctor to come talk to me immediately… I was a mess.  They performed new xrays and though there was a discrepancy, they were sure that her lungs were ok.  They ran a TB test and started her on a stronger antibiotic.  The nursing staff stood by my side and comforted me, while they explained for nearly an hour why she was doing much better than she sounded.  They were so very kind to me.  We went home and 2 days later, I decided to get out of the house for a bit and drove everyone to the local pharmacy to get some more meds for our at home infirmary.

And guess what???  While at the pharmacy (obviously, because it was the only place we had been within 48 hours), Tess picked up the dreaded stomach bug.  Oy vey!  I stayed by her side and woke up with her every 15-30 minutes and washed and rewashed blankets and sheets and pjs.  While doing one load of laundry, I asked Mike if he could watch Tess as I had just put her in the bathtub.  She had an “incident” in the bathtub, which Mike tried to swipe down the drain.  The “incident” resulted in him contracting the stomach bug, himself!  Woo hoo!  And within 24 hours, I came down with it, as well.

As the 3 of us laid in a king sized bed, taking turns in the bathroom and changing runny diapers, I heard faint giggles coming from Tess.  In the quiet of the night, I listened as Mike snored over and over again and with each bear like growl a tiny toddler laugh followed.  Though I had just hovered over the commode and I was destined to return in nearly 30 minutes, and I felt like a bus had hit me, AND had one of the most stressful weeks, since Phoebe’s surgeries… I let out a giggle too each time… after Tess would giggle… after Mike would snore.  It’s the little things, or the little people, rather that just make life spectacular, even when it’s rotten.

Weekend Update

3 Nov

Sandy came and went.  The power merely flickered, once I think.  The mailman survived… and so did the mail.  Damn it!  Our roof leaked in a couple of spots, but nothing that required a bucket.  However, that didn’t stop my husband from hopping on top of the roof a couple of hours before the eye of Sandy made landfall.  No… he had to check it out… and… found nothing.  I over prepared, as I sent my husband on several shopping excursions during the days prior to the storm for massive amounts of groceries, mostly perishable (because why would an oncoming hurricane suddenly help me make an intelligent decision) and then baked a huge vegetarian lasagna the morning of Sandy for me to nibble on during our week without power that never happened.  Half of it is now awaiting the trash can.

Halloween, on the other hand, was the best it’s been in years!  Let’s see… there were my 4,

Tess fell asleep promptly after taking this photo and stayed asleep for our entire trip around the neighborhood.

Jax (in his black morphsuit. yes, he IS in the photo), Phoebe (the princess bumblebee), and Leila in her cupcake (polite as she tried to be (since, I made her costume), Leila had to strip off her cupcake and be a “cherry head” for the last half of her trick or treating adventure because her costume got so heavy.

Tyson and Deon from next door, Brandon and Lucy from down the street, Leila’s friends from school (Samantha and Kelly) and a few of their neighbors, and then Tyson had a couple of his friends from school join in on the fun, too!  All-in-all I think it was a group of 15 kids, 8 parents, and 1 dog walking chasing each other door to door this year and it was AWESOME!!!  Lots of mysteries were solved along the way including… what’s that??? marijuana??? Yes, that is indeed a drug house., Huh, I guess there isn’t a dead person in that house after all.(oddly disappointing), and our missing new friend is alive and well at the end of the street dressed as a witch… YAY!

Jaxon came home 30 minutes after getting to school and promptly vomiting outside of the gym.  He then laid in the bathroom floor shivering with a fever of 102.  Poor guy!  My hands are tortured from all of the washing and sanitizer, but I’m praying that no one else will catch it.  Advil has barely dented his high fever for the past 2 days.

In an effort to get crap lovely things that you should buy moving out of my “sewing corner”, I put several onesies for sale on Etsy. I don’t imagine that they will sell, but they are on there, so that is progress.  Maybe I will make each onesie a pair of matching boots so they will sell and I can be done with them.  (onesies turned out to be much more of a project than they are worth.  fortunately, I only bought like, 20 of them to complete.)  They are all newborn size (which is the problem with selling them.  You pretty much have to be shopping for an up and coming baby shower to consider purchasing them.)  So if you happen to be reading this and know someone who is knocked up, you should buy one of my super awesome onesies.  I’ll give you a 50% off coupon code if you comment on this post!

Oh yeah, Tess started crawling this week!  Can you believe it?!  Everything this year has been such a blur!  I hate blinking any more.  Yep, so she’s crawling, which is why I’m deep cleaning the house.  Not the greatest time of year to do, as a yard sale mid-hurricane/odd-noreaster-type-storm/blizzard is out of the question.  If you are interested feel free to stop by my house and point at random things that you’d like to have and I can guarantee you’d probably end up going home with it.

the foreboding of the stick person car decal

23 Sep

Being without a computer has been so easy and fun! I’ve mastered my texting skills. My thumbs have never felt stronger. I get to make lots of typos and sound idiotic. I’ve designed a fistful of clothes that I can’t sell because I can’t print out my tags. My connection to the outside world has ceased. I thought to myself the other day that I felt like I was in a photo like the one in Back to the Future. You know where the family members were slowly fading away and if Marty didn’t save the day then they would soon cease to exist. A couple days after I had this thought I noticed this:

Crap! See photos below because WordPress for BlackBerry is the f*cking cutting edge of technology!!!

Did you look,yet? Isn’t it a bit creepy???

People on facebook are forgetting that I exist, which is fine because I have 1 whole friend who talks to me outside of facebook. I know, it’s crazy, right? But don’t be jealous. Non-facebook friends are hard to come by. Maybe one day everyone will have one and we can all go out for drinks at this cool bar I know called VampireMafiawarFarmYoville Anonymous. Don’t let the long name deter you… It’s fun! So I’ve been forgotten about because I can’t type LOL or click ‘like’ under everyone’s minute by minute daily synopsis, it’s totally fine with me. *sniffle* What? You’re crazy! *sniff sniff* I’m not crying! It’s fine that I’m fading! I’m too busy drowning in Bad Girls Club marathons anyway. It’s all good. I’ll just go “incognegro”, to quote Brandi in the last episode. It is totally not pathetic that I just quoted a stripper who is on the verge of having a psychotic breakdown and may murder her bisexual roommate if the stripper’s infatuation with her goes on unrequited. That is the opposite of pathetic. Life is great and interesting when you are computerless. Especially, when your son has a book report to do during your scheduled vacation weekend and the local libraries have been furloughed and are closed during non-school hours because that totally is the perfect time for a library to be closed, right? (Thank you Shelley for allowing Jaxon and I to fight for hours in front of your computer so that we could get it done…. PS he scored 100% on it!). The #1 most awesome thing about being computerless is that my repeated bad luck with computers gets to be someone elses giant headache! I mean nothing makes you feel good about yourself like taking a dump in a friend’s coffee. Especially, when their mug is already overflowing! (Sorry Chris and Karen! Hopefully our computer will be out and STAY out of your hair soon!!!)

just in case my dry humor today was unnoticed, I feel the need to note that everything not in parentheses was written in sarcasm!

Prayers and Wonderwear

1 Sep

I’m currently very worried about a very tiny baby boy who had open heart surgery this past Monday.  He has an amazing mother who deserves, more than anyone, to have her prayers answered.  Her friends may not be sitting next to her, but they are crying tears with her.  We’re all praying for him.  Could you please add him to your prayers today, as well?  His name is Pax…

… and he is extraordinary!


In an effort to distract myself from my perch, where I wait for Facebook updates on Pax, I decided to finish writing the following post.  It was not without effort…


With all of the dramatic posts about Jax and Leila going to school, I bet you were wondering if we lost Phoebe.  Rest assured, she’s still here and enjoying having mommy all to herself during the day!  However, I think she’s under the impression that Jax and Leila are still here… I’ve just locked them away in their rooms for some reason.  (It happens often, so it’s not a far-out-there assumption.  I’m just kidding!  My kids doors don’t even have locks.  We’ve learned to limit the number of rooms that are lockable due to an unfortunate bathroom event when Leila was a toddler.  Stay-tuned for that up-and-coming post in a Flashback Friday edition.)  Anywho, Phoebe waves and yells “Nigh Nigh, Dax” and “Nigh Nigh, Lllleilllla”, as she passes their doors on her way to bed for an afternoon nap.

I’m still attempting to get her to keep her hair “pretty” (i.e. pigtails, barrettes, etc).  At one point, I had given up on struggling with her to get a barrette in her hair to keep it out of her eyes.  I’d put it in, she’d rip it out, I’d put it in, she’d rip it out, and so on, and so on, and so oooooooooooon!  So I cut her bangs, even though I really, really, really didn’t want to.  Now the bangs are growing out and the hair is back in her eyes.  Today, I gave ponytails another try.  I couldn’t believe how long her hair had gotten since I last put in ponytails.

I mean, look at them they are actually ponytails!

Wait, Mom!  I have to finish brushing my teeth, so that my smile can be shiny for my closeups.

Cheese! (seriously, you can’t tell because it’s just a still shot, but she is actually saying “Cheese!”)

After photo-documenting this new ponytail milestone, I took her shopping.  Phoebe is currently obsessed with the Wonder Pets.  The DVD is constantly in the BluRay and watched repeatedly all day long.  While at the store, I came across a package of size 2T Wonder Pets endorsed underwear.  Look, Phoebe!  It’s the Wonder Pets!  *she snatches them from my hands and says* Pets!!!  Yay!!!  Pets!!!  Ook, is Mean Mean!!  (Translation:  I’m so excited that I just wet my diaper!  The Wonder Pets are Gods!  And look, it’s Ming Ming!) She then hugged the package and the clerk couldn’t wrestle it from her grip to scan it.  I helped the clerk, there was a wee bit of objective screaming, and then her underwear package was snuggled within her arms again.  Once we got home, she carefully opened the package, so as not to tear the enclosed cardboard picture of the Wonder Pets.

And then she commenced with trying to put on all three pairs of Wonder Pets underwear at the same time!  (P.S. Did you catch that she no longer had pigtails in her hair?  She ripped them out before we even got to the store.  Of course she did, right?  Ugg!)

Myth: Underwear will stay on if you only put one leg through a hole.

Fact:  If a toddler wants something bad enough, they are not going to stop trying to get it until they succeed!

Ook, Daddy!  Pets!!!

Doesn’t she look so happy, wearing 3 pair of underwear over her diaper?  (Yes, that is her awesomely supportive mommy pointing and laughing at her in the background.)

Then she took them off and has since carried them everywhere she goes.

She hugs them and talks to them.

Don’t you wish something as simple as having the Wonder Pets on your underwear brought you as much joy?

I love you, Phoebe!  And I’d buy you 100 more pair of Wonderwear just to keep that smile on your face forever!

A very merry un-birthday…

16 Aug

… to who? to me? to you!

Actually, it was a very merry un-birthday to Leila and Phoebe last Saturday!  As you may recall, January and February of 2010 was record making snowy.  I tried rescheduling Phoebe’s birthday party and then Leila’s birthday party several times during those months, but every weekend we were hit hard by snow storms.  I eventually gave up and upon seeing the disappointment on Leila’s face promised her a 1/2 birthday party.  So this past weekend when Leila turned 5 1/2, we threw her an impromptu 1/2 birthday party at the swim club down the street.

Despite the horrid temperatures, over 100, that we have had most of the summer, and all of the thunderstorms that we’ve had lately, the weather held out for a perfect pool party.  We are so appreciative of friends and relatives that battled traffic from far away to show their love for Leila and Phoebe.  Dan and Sally drove with their 5 kids for 3 1/2 hours to be there.  It meant the world to us and I think everyone had a great time.  Luckily, regular club members were far and few, so we basically had the pools all to ourselves.

(note to self: do not squish non-existent biceps against non-existent chest… they flatten like pancakes!)

Do these glasses make my butt look big?

Phoebe attempted to give the pinata a whack.

You wouldn’t believe the prizes that they stuff into piñatas these days!

Look what popped out of ours!  …Uncle Matt?

Hex And The City

16 Jun

Ahh!!  I am currently under an electronic hex!  My phone died, and then my computer died, and then my Wii died within the span of one week!   Now, I’m super paranoid that something else electronic will go at any minute.  Please God, do not let it be my beloved coffee maker!

This post was delayed several times due to the fact that the motherboard on my laptop just up and decided to commit suicide.  My computer has sinned!!!  Apparently, I’m Catholic in the electronic world because I just believe that suicidal computers should forever be condemned in purgatory.  Recently, a friend was nice enough to lend me a laptop until I can get  my old laptop fixed… that is, unless my warranty says DO NOT RESUSCITATE!

Last week-ish:

On a whim, I decided to take advantage of my husband being available to stay with the kids on Sunday.  I persuaded my favorite person to reveal to me her upcoming calendar of events.  Upon noticing that she was free on a day that Mike just found out that he had off, I jumped on the chance and asked her if she would please go see Sex And The City 2 with me.  After meeting for lunch, we were off to see the movie.  As soon as I pulled into the parking space, a wild thunderstorm began brewing.  In the time that it took for us to reach for our purses, lightning struck just outside the van.  It was as blinding, as it was deafening!  We screamed, horror movie style, and felt the effects of the lightning vibrate in our chests.  Panting, we looked at each other and said, “Oh my God!  That struck right outside the van!  That’s the closest to being struck by lightning that I’ve ever been.  I wonder where it hit?  It had to be within feet of us!”  Almost every car alarm, in the cars surrounding us, were going crazy.  The wind picked up violently and both of us were physically shaken.  The trees around us were bending in the wind and the sky unloaded a torrential downpour.  The van started swaying in the wind and I nervously decided to move the van to somewhere other than the openness of the parking lot.  I think I pulled the van into 3 different parking spaces before settling on one nearest the side of the theater building.  At least the violent wind was partially blocked in this space.  (By the way, after telling my husband the story of “the storm” when I returned home, he blurted out “Oh yeah, there was a tornado warning!”  *Thanks for the text, honey!*)  We waited about ten minutes for the rain to die down, but it showed no signs of letting up.  I searched the van for an umbrella or something that could keep the rain off of us.  My only prospects were some Baby Einstein disposable place mats that we chose to forgo.  We finally decided that we had to make a run for it.  I said, “Ok… on the count of 3!  1… 2…… 3!”  Jan was more committed than I was and jumped out of the door and ran.  I, on the other hand, opened the door, reluctantly stepped one foot out and noticing that it immediately got soaked from the blinding rain, started to close the door again.  I looked in the direction of my running friend, who although had only run a few feet away from me was barely visible… blurred by the rain.  I felt guilty.  Crap!  I really was going to have to make a run for it!  I finally committed and joined Jan for a jog in the rain.  It was like running in a wading pool that was in a wind tunnel and fire hoses were directed at us.  Within a second or two, I was a wet as coming out of a pool with all of my clothes on.  As, the puddles splashed beneath my silver platform sandals, (*hey, I was going to see SATC 2 and as a devout fan it would be sacrilege to wear anything but!  If I had the money to buy Manolo’s, I would’ve totally worn them!*) Jan, who was running in front of me got blurrier and blurrier and I began to laugh hysterically, like a toddler splashing in an April shower.  I could barely breathe because I was laughing so hard.  All I could hear was the heavy rain, the rivers of rain water beneath my wet feet, and my laughter.

When we finally made it into the doors of the theater, we were giggling and dripping wet.  Our clothes were drenched.  We looked around and it seemed as if all eyes were on us… because some how, in the midst of Tropical Storm Carrie (as I will refer to it… dedicated to the movie… SATC 2, not the blood and gore movie of the 80’s… although, it could also be fitting) we were the only ones that got wet walking in.  “How is it that we are the only ones wet?”  The rain dripped off of us as we purchased our tickets, the man behind the counter scoffed as he handed them over.  We bolted towards the line for popcorn, not to purchase anything, but to grab as many handfuls of napkins as we could and then darted for the bathroom.  “Oh my God!  Look at my face!”  In the mirror, I saw someone who mirrored the Joker.  My mascara had run all over my face.  As I tried to make my face less horrifying, Jan started drying herself under the hand dryer.  We looked a wreck!  How fitting for us to be seeing a movie from which we were practically living one of its comical scenes?  I tried to snap a picture of us with my phone, but after saying cheese and no flash several times, my phone went haywire.  I would later find out that it had actually kicked the bucket when I tried to take our picture.  How’s that for flattery?

Even though we were freezing because we were wet, we sat blanketed under our damp napkins and laughed the entire movie.  There’s something about watching SATC in a theater full of other ladies.  The gasps, the “Oh, no she di-ent!”‘s, and other blurted comments, along with knee slapping laughter, proves that SATC is and forever will be a relatable culmination of women from all walks of life.  Needless to say the move was FABULOUS!

After the movie, I held Jan hostage and took her out for a couple of drinks.  There is a funny story about a guy at the bar who at some point said, “I like you.”  And I said, “Thanks!  I like… your shirt???”  He also told us extensively about how he could speak 7 different languages and a bunch of other things, but I’m not really sure what else he was trying to say.  Maybe English was not one of the 7 languages that he listed off to us.  Frankly, though we were trying to be nice, we were just too busy being reminiscent and giggly to care about anyone else in the restaurant.


31 Jul

Originally Posted- July 31, 2009


Hmmm… blogging is evidently a serious *makes stern face* thing these days *rolls eyes… at above widget… as if to say, “seriously?”* I’ve been reading another girl’s blogs for about 3 years now.  I don’t know her, never met her, but it all started when I had an infestation with flour weevils 3 years ago.  First of all, stop clenching your chest in shock… I know, my house is super immaculate as stated over and over again in these blogs.  How could one who is so meticulously clean get flour weevils?  Secondly, stop curling your upper lip in disgust.  Flour weevils are actually very common with people who either buy their grain products from organic markets (ie Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, etc) or can’t afford organic products and are too stupid to keep their grain products in air tight storage containers.  Basically, I bought a package of barley to make beef stew, but kept forgetting to buy beef cubes (or thaw them) for ohhh… let’s say a LONG time… McDonald’s, McDonald’s, Wendy’s, splurge on Chic-Fil-A, McDonald’s and so on.  Who knew that pretty much all (that’s right, even the ones in your own cabinet) grain products come equipped with ready to hatch weevil eggs?  And if you do not… {A. cook grain products within a few of months of purchasing them B. store grain products in air tight containers or C. put them in the freezer/refrigerator (always wondered why the old people stored them in there)}… these weevil eggs will hatch and take over your kitchen cabinets with extreme fervor and you will not see them or even know they exist, because they are super-duper tiny, until you finally go to cook your beef stew and see teeny-weeny black specks/bugs floating in it.  (P.S. Pooh Bear ate a full pot of what smelled like it could’ve been some very awesome Beef and Bug Stew that night and I haven’t eaten stew since.) After becoming aware that these weevils exist in your kitchen cabinets, you willingly throw out any and all food that isn’t canned.  Then you vacuum out your cabinets out, scrub everything with bleach, buy new food and containers to prevent this from happening again… and just in case, store most of your grains in the refrigerator anyway because you can’t bear to be as grossed out by the “beef stew” incident ever again.

Ok, so back to how I found THEE most awesome blog writer… so I had weevils and was gagging in front of the computer trying to find a way to get rid of them and prevent their return.  Upon googling “how to get rid of flour weevils” I came across a site where some girl was telling the story of her own “revenge of the flour weevils”.  Her battle with the bugs mirrored mine and I laughed at the photos of her vacuuming out her cabinets to document for all of the cyber doubters that she was clearly at war with these grain eating pests.  But what really got me was that she said that she wrote the blog about her weevil debacle “if only for my post to come up when anyone googled ‘how to rid yourself of goddamn flour weevils'”.  Ha!  That was me!  I googled… and here you are… it worked! I’ve been reading her blog ever since and it turns out that she lives just outside DC, like moi (though she won’t give me her street address because she says that I sound very stalkerish or whatever)… and she’s my age… how cool? (no wait… err… how soooo not cool… how dreadfully dull my life is… Carol, please make some real friends.) Anywho, she’s funny and I enjoy her blog, if anything, just to relate to someone else.  There’s something about reading someone else’s diary and saying to your computer, “ME TOO… ME TOO!  OMG, like IDK… we could be like the closest besties EVER… if you’d just give me your goddamn address, so I could peek through your windows and see if you use Back to Basics shampoo, too!”

So, anyway, I’ve been reading her blogs for 3 years now and have left a couple of “LMAO” comments (I know 2… in 3 years… but LMAO takes so long to type and I just don’t have the time most days).  Surprisingly, that “LMAO” didn’t make her comment back: “Hey, I would love to be your friend!   “LMAO”… that’s so clever!  You rock!  Would you like to meet me for a bitch session about our husbands over White Chocolate Mocha Lattes this weekend?  I really hope so!  P.S.  I like Back to Basics shampoo, do you?” I just hope she’s not reading her comments and rolling her eyes thinking, “I wish this crazy b*tch would stop popping on her every 14 months to say ‘LMAO’.  How pathetic?!” In which case, I must stop to say that I totally LOVE LOVE LOVE any and all comments made on my blogs. I read them and they make me laugh and I relish in the fact that… hey, I’m not alone either in some of my weird quirks or thoughts or crazy days.  If anything, if you happen upon one of my blogs just typing, “I just read it and it wasn’t a total waste of 10 minutes” means the world to me.

Apparently, older bloggers, like the one that I read twice weekly… lucky her for being equipped with the “time management” gene… actually go to nationwide conferences about blogging.  It’s like a big-to-do… with awards and everything… really? Dude… wait… really? And companies sponsor a lot of blogs and they get free stuff and… wait… really? For typing about vacuuming flour weevils out of cabinets… REALLY? So at this conference old bloggers thought that new bloggers didn’t respect the blogging system and blah… blah… blah… they lost me at “blog conference”.  But from here on out, just in case she ever wants to give me her address *crosses fingers* to meet for white chocolate mocha lattes… I want to state for the record that I, Carol Trader, blog with integrity! (but not with spell check… so, sorry about that)

P.S. I don’t usually comment on comments because of the lost in translation (ie Myspace has screwed me in the past with letting (or lack there of) me know that I’ve received comments or letting commenters know that I’ve commented back), but I totally will from now on… if anything just to let you know that I appreciate the fact that you read about some stupid moment in my life or to meet for… hmm… how about a White Chocolate Mocha?

Update: January 2011-  I no longer use Back to Basics products.  I’ve moved on to S-Factor which is infused with diamonds, champagne, and cashmere.  I sh*t you not!  It really is!!!

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