Today’s Gripes and Grumbles

Originally posted- May 7, 2009

Things that would clearly make life easier for me:

·         Painter’s tape that actually works… see previous blog

·         Phoebe deciding that the vacuum cleaner is no longer the greatest thing E-V-E-R and is content with sleeping without it (this would also make planet Earth’s life easier as her usage of the vacuum is probably equivalent to destroying half of the rainforest)

·         A maid… preferably Rosie, from the Jetsons

·         Another 5 maids to assist the first one (we’re pretty messy)

·         A urinal in the bathroom with a target painted on the drain… I am seriously grossed out by the truck stop smell coming from the hallway bathroom… Jaxon, dude… enough is enough… (good luck to maid #4 who was assigned bathroom duty)

·         A carpet steam cleaner that actually works… as opposed to using it 5 times when the damn thing leaks and ruins my laminate floors… this has happened with 3 steam cleaners in a row now

·         Being able to afford hardwood floors, to avoid the above

·         A bell in my husband’s head that rings just before he’s about to say something sarcastic, at a completely inappropriate time, and piss me off… I’m not sure that it would stop him from being sarcastic anyway, but it would sure annoy him as much as his comments annoy me

·         Someone telling my dog in the backyard to shut-up right now, so that I don’t have to get up and do it myself

·         Rechargeable size D batteries… Phoebe’s swing eats them quicker than the Golden Girls can devour a cheesecake

·         The entire world standing still when I finally get Phoebe to sleep… or at least the 4 year old in the house (…who constantly has ants stationed in her pants and whose motto is “the louder the better”…) to freakin’ “SHHHHHH! ALREADY”

·         A reliable electric company, so that every time a breeze or a little rain cloud comes my way, I don’t have to: light 100 candles throughout the house (candles still make me nervous); find every flashlight in the house; discover that their batteries are dead from the kids playing with them (clue: you found one under Jaxon’s bed, one under the couch, and one near the toilet… Yes, the kids have been playing with them.); replace dead batteries in flashlights; discover that they take size D; solve the dilemma of flashlight or baby swing… which gets power today?; decision made easier as Phoebe screams when swing slows to a hault… the flashlights never had a chance; trudge out in the pouring rain turn on the generator, make sure that all my extension cords are accessible, plug in the TV, a fan, a light, and of course the vacuum cleaner